Dashed Hopes

You know how sometimes you are so freaking pulling out your hair and just want to quit?
You just feel like letting your hair down over the weekend?

Well, that opportunity fell at my doorstep.
I was super stressed with school and work and work and work.
I just felt like breaking down when a group of friends asked to hang out.

I have been looking forward to it like ever since the very day they asked me about it.
I have been anticipating for the day to come.

Suddenly out of the blue something just had to be there to kill the excitement.
Like come on...
I NEED that break...
I am going insane with the work load.

Me being me, I wanted to call the whole thing off.
Force myself to throw my excitement out of the window.
But me being me, I couldnt.
Thus, I didnt.
Like its not always I get this chance.

I am not going to care.
I have been caring too much that I am always on the losing end.
I have been thinking of others that i stopped thinking about myself.
I always put myself as the second.
That has got to end.
I can go there alone if I have to.
Its not like I'm not use being alone and spending time alone.
I am not going to let my decisions be controlled by anyone.
I needed this break and I am going to have it.
And that's final.

A friend once asked: How do you actually going to trust your life to someone who has never ever shown the capability of being able to support you?